No, thanks. I'd rather walk.

I imagine the Gates of Heaven to be God and his clipboard. I imagine this clipboard to have a special sheet at the back titled 'Don't Bother. Just Send Straight to Hell'. It's a short list. After all, everyone deserves the opportunity to plead their case. There are some groups, however, that won't be listened to. Wedged in between paedophiles and reality TV stars are Santiago taxi drivers.

Never use a taxi if it can be avoided. Taxis are cheap and plentiful here but the drivers are basically unscrupulous con men.....especially the older grandpa types. The transport system is quite extensive here and the metro is quick and cheap. If you live here, you should be using public transport the vast majority of the time anyway. Taxi drivers here eyeball Gringos the same way a cheetah does a gazelle.

If you must use a taxi, then follow my Rules of Engagement:

Sont les mots qui vont tres bien ensemble.......

Today is one of the saddest days in Chile's history. I say one of because the worst is yet to come. Today we begin our farewell to one of the greatest players in Chilean history since Bernardo O'Higgins, the Irishman who liberated Chile from the Spanish.

Depending on which one you read, polls put Michelle Bachelet's popularity rating as high as 80%. Amazing when you think that she's been in power for four years and she's a woman. Unfortunately, due to Chile's ridiculous law that she can't run for a consecutive term, she will not be president for the next four years at least. I won't purport to know the intricacies of the policies she introduced or the effect of them. One thing I can say is that she has highlighted the inequalities between the sexes and worked tirelessly to rectify that imbalance in machista Chile. She has played her part by building and trying to maintain a cabinet of 50% women.

Obviously her work is nowhere near complete. And while her labours may not have yet borne fruit, the green shoots of change are evident. Four years is a short time to change a mentality that is so ingrained in a culture. Besides she has had other side projects to work on such as forging trade relations with China, trying to get Chile into the OECD and getting the country through a global recession.

Ms. Bachelet is exactly the type of person you would want to run your country. Being a woman, she doesn't suffer from that macho bullshit you get from male politicians but she's not nearly as hysterical as a Hiliary Clinton say. She's separated - no happy families bullshit for cameras, only honesty. She doesn't do religion, only she makes the decisions - Hallelujah. She has been a working parent all her life and she's a pediatrician. She speaks at least five languages. When she speaks, you listen. She doesn't use maxims or sound bites. She doesn't care if you like her or not. She's intelligent, compassionate and fair.

So, what are the world saying about current events in Chile?

Underachievers Apply Within.

As I write this Colo Colo fans are making their way to Plaza Italia to celebrate being the Primera División Clasura Champions 2009. Buses are full to bursting point. Arms, legs and flags are vying for space to hang out the windows. The stores on my street have closed early and a helicopter is flying back and forth keeping an eye on proceedings. The obligatory car horns are being played with finesse and the beer bellied, tattooed hinchas are in full voice.

Fans of Los Albos are quite accustomed to such victory celebrations. In this decade alone, they have been champions seven times. It should be noted that the Chilean league has two seasons per year called the Apertura (Opening) and Clausura (Closing). It should also be noted that this is how it's done in most of Latin America. Therefore some countries have two champions per year. Some countries have a play-off between Apertura and Clausura winners to have an ultimate champion. Colo Colo have just won the Clausura. Confused? Well, wait! I haven't got to the ridiculous part yet.

Dogs and Camels

Sunglasses are essential during sunny weather. In Santiago, you need them pretty much all year round. While officially not summer here yet, the fact that there are more sunny days above 25°C than not, makes it summer in my book.

The hotter weather has a noticeable effect on the many aspects of Santiago life. Dogs are less mobile. Their scavenging activities are punctuated by lots of siestas, usually at the top of metro steps, the pavement or pretty much anywhere they damn well please. This makes them more nocturnal and bouts of barking at night more frequent.

Hot weather also means ice cream. Ice cream is another source of the junk food that Chileans gorge themselves on but more so in the summer. Buses and streets are abundant with leather-skinned flaites who take a break from drug dealing to scream heladoheladohelado followed by chirimoyafrutillamorapiña.

The third most notable effect is the increase in the amount of female flesh on display.